What's new?

So 5 years of silence from me where this whole blogging thing is concerned... Guess I haven't really had much to say or any real inspiration for something to write, that' not to say I haven't missed it a hell of a lot but I kept finding myself staring at the blank screen and having nothing to say... For me, it has been like my own personal version of hell but today I ran into someone who used to solely know me for my writing and they asked me what was up and why there hadn't been anything from me in so long and what was new... So lets start with what is new...
I like to think I have grown up a lot since I last took to the keyboard. I am now 22 (23 in January 2018), I am now a mother to a gorgeous little boy who will be 3 in February 2018 and I have somehow found myself in a somewhat stable relationship with a guy I met through my new job which I started in May this year. It's still quite a new thing (only around 3 months in atm) but it seems better than my past relationships, although I suppose only time will really tell me that.
What else is there to really say? I guess I should point out that my love for writing poetry that isn't really poetry is still going strong so be prepared for more of that to come. However, hopefully it will have improved a bit but if not at least the themes of it shouldn't be quite as depressing... My musical taste has kind of swayed away from the heavy metal/screamo genre and more towards country... Which is kind of interesting and strange for a girl like me (born and bread in the UK and only 22) but each to their own as I keep finding myself saying these days... I guess I'm trying to not let things bother me quite as much... I'm trying to just do what I can and not worry about other peoples opinions quite as often... I just want to be me and do the best by my little boy who I love to pieces ❤ He is my world and means everything to me ?

Really need to start getting my tattoos sorted out asap tbh... So bored of having hardly any ink on me... Oh and i need to get my piercings sorted too cause i totally need more... But I'm always totally skint... Need to start askin round about prices and stuff...

Random thought of the day

Love how most of my stuff on here is poetry when I can't even write poems... I just kinda think that way... One line at a time... And never anything really interesting... Wish I had more talent really... Oh well... Anyway, this is my random thought for today... And I think I'm probably gonna add a "random thought of the day" thing to this blog... Help pad it out a bit... Anyways that's all for today, time to go relax...

One last

One last shot,
One last try,
One last time for us,
One last chance to be together,
One last fight before we give up,
Cause we're not ready to let go yet,
I'm not ready to say no yet,
You're not ready to stop asking me to give it a go yet,
And even though it's never worked before,
We're not ready to believe it won't yet,
We're not ready to let go yet,
Cause the truth is we know we can't,
The truth is we actually do care about each other,
And it hasn't worked before cause life was gettin in the way,
But now we're committed to making it work out,
Cause we know there won't be another chance for us,
One last shot,
One last try,
One last time for us,
One last chance to be together,
If this time it doesn't work,
Then we'll have to give up,
Even if we still don't feel ready...

So softly

The way you look at me,
So softly,
Let's me know you're really seeing ME,
The way you hold me,
So softly,
Let's me know you'd never hurt me,
The way you speak to me,
So softly,
Let's me know that you know I'm vulneable right now,
The way you're always there for me,
Let's me know that you know I need you,
Any you take my hand,
So softly,
Just to make it clear that you're not going anywhere.

Unsurity

It feels like I seriously mean nothing to you,

Like I only exist when you want something from me,

Like you don’t really love me but just say you do,

But I really do love you,

And you’re the only person I want to be with,

No matter who else wants to be with me,

You’re my first choice every time,

I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone,

And I definitely never thought I’d feel this way about you,

But I really do,

And I spend every minute of every day having to wonder if you feel the same,

Never sure if you really care about me,

Or if you’re just pretending because you know how I feel about you,

I’m not sure how much clearer I could be,

The way I feel is written all over my face,

But I keep thinking that maybe you just want what you can’t have,

When I think I’ve finally gotten over you,

You’ll turn up and want me to be yours again,

But when I just want to be with you,

You’re suddenly not interested in me at all,

It doesn’t makes sense,

I wish you’d stop changing your mind,

I wish we could just be together,

I wish we could be happy,

But we never seem to be,

When we’re together we’re not happy,

When we’re apart we’re not happy,

It’s sending me crazy,

If you don’t want to be with me,

Then don’t be,

Stop pretending,

Stop lying,

Stop trying to convince me you care,

But if you really want to be with me,

Show it by being there,

Talk to me when I need someone to talk to,

Hug me when I need someone to hug me,

Kiss me when I need to be convinced that I’m beautiful,

Just tell me how you feel,

Cause I’d love to know,

I’d love to be able to say I was sure how you felt.

You don't really care

I can't believe you didn't call
You said you would but you didn't
Looks like you didn't really care at all
You just wanted to mess with my head again
You just wanted to make me cry again
Make me think we could try again
Now I'm having to say goodbye again
Leave you behind again
Move on from you again
I'm not sure I can do it
I don't get why you're putting me through this
Maybe it's because you never really gave a shit
But I gave a shit about you
I loved you
I would have done anything for you
I came back to you every time you asked me to
I forgave you every time you asked for forgiveness
Even though you treated me so bad
Even though you never made me happy
You only ever made me sad
You made me wish we'd never met
And now I think it's best if I pretend we never did
I'll move on from what we once had
I'll forget the past and find a future
Because after all you've put me through I think I deserve happiness
And I hope one day I'll find it
I thought I would find it with you
I honestly thought you were The One
But now we're obviously done
Because you never really cared
You only pretended to
Because that's what you do
You just pretend to care about me
While I really do care about you
But now that I see the truth
It's best I just walk away
So next time you come to me
I'll tell you to just leave
Because me and you will never be
I won't come back to you...