So I've started writing a book. I'm not very far along and I've only got a basic outline of the plot and a couple of solid characters but it's a start.

People

  People look at me,
  And all they see,
  Is a child,
  They act as if I'm not there,
  To be honest,
  I don't care,
  Because even though I'm young,
  I've been through so much,
  Much more than they have,
  So no matter what they say,
  I won't even listen,
  Coz I know they wouldn't listen to me,
  None of them know me,
  They haven't seen what I've seen,
  They haven't been through what I've been through,
  They never had there heart broken by you,
  They didn't see the evil you're completely full of,
  They never heard your sickening plan,
  They weren't there that day,
  So when they look at me as if I'm too young to understand,
  I know that really,
  They're the ones that wouldn't understand me.

no show

  I'm staring at the clock,
  You were meant to be here ages ago,
  But you didn't show up,
  Why am I not surprised,
  Looking at my watch again,
  Staring down the street,
  The tears start to come to my eyes,
  I know you're not coming,
  But I still want to pretend there's a chance,
  Of you suddenly coming round the corner,
  With that oh so familiar swagger of yours,
  And a smirk on your face,
  You'll take my hand,
  And help me up,
  We'll walk down the road,
  You'll have your arm around me,
  Holding me softly but firmly,
  And I'll be oh so happy,
  But that's only a dream,
  You're a no show,
  I walk home alone,
  And cry into my pilow.

Dark boy

  I knew you,
  Once a long time ago,
  We shared everything,
  Or at least I thought so,
  But everything you said was a lie,
  And all the times you looked at me as if I was so special,
  That was all a lie too,
  All the times you took my hand in yours,
  And said you never wanted me to let go,
  That was all a lie,
  All those stupid things I said in my head to reassure myself,
  Well that was the biggest lie of all,
  Because lets be honest you never even cared,
  You just wanted a safety net,
  Someone to fall back on,
  I was only second best,
  How could you do this to me,
  The answer is simple,
  You were sick,
  And psychotic,
  With no heart and no soul,
  I hoped I'd never have to see you again,
  But now you've come back,
  You're saying you've changed,
  You promise that you've recieved help,
  But how can I believe you,
  Because when I look into your eyes,
  I see that flame you always had,
  The flame that made me fall for you,
  The flame that broke my heart in two,
  The flame that makes you my Dark Boy,
  And do you know what that flame does,
  It pulls me back in all over again.

Sorry

  Sorry,
  Is a word that means nothing to me,
  You're always apologizing,
  Trying to make it alright,
  But it never is,
  I've got so many scars,
  So many bruises,
  So many memories,
  Of the things you did to me,
  Then you try to make me forgive you,
  All you can say is that one little word,
  Sorry,
  You never mean it,
  But you always say it,
  Sorry,
  "I'm sorry I hit you",
  "I'm sorry I hurt you",
  Then you do the whole,
  "I promise I'll never do it again",
  But you never keep any of you're promises,
  It's all a lie,
  But I fall for it,
  Because you look at me with your dark brown eyes,
  And I can see why I first fell for you,
  It was because you were different,
  You were my Dark Boy!

Split personality

  I get so confused,
  I think I don't really know you at all,
  I thought you were so kind,
  My ideal man,
  But now look what you've turned into,
  I can't believe how much I liked you,
  You are totally evil,
  I can see that now,
  But you're still you,
  That perfect guy,
  But only sometimes,
  Only when you want to be,
  You've got a split personality,
  There's the good you,
  The you that will hold me tight,
  And kiss me softly,
  And look at me as if I'm the most important thing in the world,
  Then there's the bad you,
  The you who lies,
  The you who cheats,
  The you who gets angry so suddenly,
  The you who hits me,
  I hate the bad you,
  But I love the good you so much,
  That I stick around,
  And take every hit with a smile on my face.

Silent tears

  Silent tears,
  Fall from my crying eyes,
  I stand in the rain,
  All alone again,
  Why does it always end this way,
  Why is it always me, 
  Who ends up crying my heart out,
  I look up at the star-lit sky,
  And wonder if you're looking up at it too,
  But in my heart I know you're not,
  Stars aren't really your thing,
  You're probably playing football, 
  Or rugby with your mates,
  You're probably flirting with all the girls,
  And stealing away their hearts,
  Just like you stole mine,
  You were my dream boy,
  But you turned into a nightmare,
  With all the things you made me do,
  And all the lies you made me tell,
  To keep you safe from the cops,
  Then you left me here,
  Outside alone,
  On a cold, star-lit night,
  While it rains heavily down on me,
  Broken and afraid,
  Sick and traumatized,
  How could you walk away,
  I thought you loved me,
  Was that another lie?

Begun to forget

  I dream that I'm lay in a park,
  Stretched out on the grass,
  It seems so real,
  I can feel the wet ground beneath me,
  And I can smell the daisies and buttercups,
  I can feel your hand in mine,
  I dream of you all the time,
  The setting changes,
  But you're always the same,
  You're smiling as if I mean everything,
  You're holding me close and kissing my head,
  You're being so kind and loving,
  I'm not seeing the real you at all,
  I've begun to forget what it was like in the last few days,
  How you lied to me,
  And cheated on me,
  I've begun to forget,
  How you hit me,
  And beat me,
  And made me believe it was all my fault,
  But I have to force myself to remember that,
  Because I can't handle it again.

searching

  I'm searching for a reason,
  A reason not to walk away,
  Give me just one reason,
  Only one reason,
  To stay in love with you,
  Just one reason to make me stay,
  I'm not looking for another of your lies,
  I'm searching for the real you,
  The one I sometimes see in your eyes,
  He hasn't made an appearance for a while,
  Is he still there?
  Or has he disappeared for ever?
  Because he's the one I fell for,
  And if he's not coming back,
  If you're all there is,
  I might as well walk away,
  You're violent and mean,
  Cocky and stupid,
  And I've had enough,
  Because if you're all there is,
  I might as well walk away,
  I'll keep searching for a while,
  Searching for the real you,
  But I can see it in your eyes,
  The real you is dead,
  The you I see in front of me,
  Is all that's left,
  So why haven't I,
  Why can't I,
  Why won't I,
  Walk away.

My love

  Broken hearted,
  Left alone,
  To stand in the rain,
  Torn apart,
  Why did you walk away,
  From my love,
  I gave you my heart,
  You ripped it into shreds,
  I gave you my love,
  And you pushed it aside,
  It wasn't me you wanted,
  You only wanted her,
  How could I be stupid enough,
  Not to see it,
  Now I'm all alone,
  But you'll always have,
  A little piece of my heart,
  Because I'll never forget,
  What we could have been,
  You'll always be my Dark Boy.

I'm fine

  Tears roll down my face,
  I really don't know why I'm here,
  Why am I stood outside your house,
  Am I waiting for something,
  Is this all just to prove a point,
  I want to show you that I'm fine,
  I want to show you that I've moved on,
  It took time to heal,
  But I'm perfectly fine now,
  I can see your face at the window,
  You've got that smirk on your face,
  The one that you know makes me angry,
  Are you trying to prove a point too,
  Do you think I'm stood here because I miss you,
  You couldn't be more wrong,
  I've completely moved on,
  I'm stood here to show you,
  That I'm not afraid of you any more,
  I won't hide away and cry because I'm scared any more,
  You don't frighten me,
  I'm fine,
  I've moved on.

I HATE!

  I hate that look on your face,
  That smirk you have when you know you've won,
  I hate the way you look at me,
  As if you're so much better,
  You can be so cruel,
  I hate that coldness in your eyes,
  I hate the way you make me feel,
  I hate the fact that you know,
  Exactly which buttons to press to make me mad,
  I hate the fact that,
  All these things I hate about you,
  Are the things that make me want you back.

Where am I?

  I look into the mirror,
  And I don't recognize,
  The person staring back at me,
  She looks so much older, 
  She looks so much paler,
  She looks so much weaker,
  Where am I?
  And who is this girl who has replaced me?
  I look in the mirror,
  And what do I see?
  A girl who looks so different from me,
  She's taller,
  She's paler,
  And so much weaker,
  That really can't be me,
  She looks like a zombie,
  And acts like one too,
  But where am I?
  Am I gone forever?
  Is she all I can be?

Emo?

  Surrounded by darkness,
  Confused by lies,
  I'm at war with myself,
  And there's nowhere to hide,
  I hate looking in the mirror,
  And seeing what I've become,
  I look so normal,
  So plain,
  Can I turn back time,
  Just so I can feel that pain again,
  Suicidal thoughts are setting back in,
  It makes me smile to know that they're still here,
  Inside my mind,
  I'm still who I used to be,
  Does it make me emo?
  I've still got the scars,
  Now I want to re-open them,
  Am I emo?
  I love the pain I get,
  I take it in and keep moving,
  I'm at war with myself,
  And there's nowhere to hide,
  I'm surrounded by darkness,
  And I'm loving it,
  I'm confused by thier lies,
  But who gives a shit?

Scared for my life

  I know you're out there somewhere,
  Everyone is talking about it,
  Everyone says they'll protect me when you come,
  But I know they won't be able to,
  I know you too well Tony,
  You won't stop until I'm dead,
  You,
  And your brother,
  And your stupid friends, 
  I'm sorry for how it ended,
  But I never regretted my decision,
  He was only young,
  An eight year old boy,
  And you killed him in cold blood,
  You beat him to death,
  And left him there,
  All on his own in the cold,
  How could you be so cruel,
  He was only a child,
  He was only small and scared,
  As you hit and kicked and beat him to death,
  I'm glad you were sent to jail,
  But now that you're out,
  I'm scared for my life,
  Scared of you beating me to death,
  Terrified that one day I'll look up,
  And see your face.

Dying

 I know you're not really there,
 But I can see you're face,
 Looking around,
 When I'm in a crowd,
 I see you're face,
 When I close my eyes,
 All I see is what you did,
 A poor pale boy, 
 Lay in a hospital bed,
 Dying,
 Dying because of you,
 He has bruises all over his face,
 And deep, open cuts,
 That just look so wrong,
 On an eight year old boy,
 Dying in a hospital bed,
 All because of you,
 I know you're not really there,
 But you will be soon,
 What do I do then?
 Run,
 Hide,
 Scream,
 That's all I can do,
 Because I know you Tony,
 I know you won't stop,
 Until I pay for what I did,
 You won't stop until I'm dead,
 But no matter how well I know that,
 It'll never quieten,
 That little part of me,
 That still loves you!

I can't see you

  Shadows on my face,
  As I walk down the alleyway,
  At night,
  Alone,
  I sense that you're close,
  But I can't see you,
  I feel that you're there,
  I can smell your smell,
  But I can't see you at all,
  I pull my coat around me tighter,
  Keep walking towards the street lights,
  Anything to get away from the shadows,
  Anything to escape your lies,
  I'm sorry that it ended the way it did,
  But I don't regret my decision,
  I've gotta keep walking away,
  I can't stay,
  Because if I look into your eyes,
  I'll go weak,
  And I'll be that person I used to be,
  The one who did everything you said,
  And believed all your lies,
  I've gotta keep walking,
  Towards the street lights,
  So I can get out of here,
  Out of the shadows,
  And away from your lies,
  I'm so sure you're there,
  I can't see you,
  But I can smell your smell,
  And I'm sure I can hear your footsteps,
  I sense that you're near,
  But when I turn to look,
  I can't see you,
  Are you even there,
  Or is it just my imagination?

When I cut

  When I cut myself,
  I wish I could be cutting them,
  Those who don't care about me,
  If I could I would cut them all,
  Make them feel my pain,
  Show them how much they make me hurt,
  Slit their throats and rid the world of their words,
  I'm suicidal,
  I'm fucked up,
  So would you be if you had had my life,
  And through it all,
  Where was my love?
  Where was my hope?
  Where was my reason to live?
  Why was there no one there for me?
  If I decide it's the end,
  Go get a knife from the draw,
  Slit my throat,
  Would anyone even try to stop me?
  Cause I don't think they would.

Games

  Sleepless nights,
  Followed by joyless days,
  It's slowly sending me insane,
  My heads a mess now,
  And I can't see straight,
  And all my thoughts are jumbled up,
  And I can't handle it anymore,
  'Cause you're fucking with my head,
  And you know it,
  But what you don't know,
  Is that you're also fucking with my heart,
  And I don't wanna play your games,
  But I can't let go,
  And what you don't see is that its hurting,
  You don't see how much you're hurting me,
  You think that this is all a game,
  But it never is for me,
  And now you're flirting with other girls,
  Right in front of my face,
  And you think it's OK,
  It's just a game,
  You think I'm doing the same,
  But I'm not 'cause I actually care
  But you'll never actually be there,
  You'll never really care,
  All I am is your toy,
  And when you get bored of me,
  You'll toss me aside,
  And you won't look back,
  So you wont see me crying,
  And you wont wonder why,
  And you'll never know how much I cared,
  Until it's all over,
  Until it's all gone,
  Until I hate you,
  And want to hurt you just like you hurt me,
  Then you'll try to crawl back to me,
  And I'll accept your apologies,
  And I'll take you back,
  'Cause no matter how well,
  I convince myself and everyone else around me,
  That I hate you,
  I never really do.

My world

  There is a place I go,
  It's a world inside my head,
  It's always dark there,
  And the darkness isn't safe,
  There are things there,
  With red eyes and claws,
  Claws to scratch,
  And massive teeth that bite,
  Soon they will pounce,
  They will pounce on me,
  They will start ripping and tearing,
  Tearing me apart,
  Then leave me there,
  Dead and covered in blood,
  With vital organs hanging out,
  Luckily it's all a dream,
  It's just something going on in my crazy fucked up head,
  But one day it will be real,
  Because the darkness is approaching,
  Then where will we be?

IT

  Its taken over,
  Its all there is now,
  He isn't there anymore,
  It's not him looking at me,
  It's the bad thing,
  And I'm scared,
  So scared,
  And all alone,
  What am I meant to do?
  He used to care about me so much,
  But now I'm not sure at all,
  In fact I'm terrified,
  He's not my brother anymore,
  That's what daddy says,
  And I know what he says is true,
  Because that's not my brother in there,
  It's the bad thing,
  It's not human,
  It's an animal,
  And it's ready to tear me apart,
  What am I meant to do?
  I've tried to get to the safe place,
  But it's like somethings blocking my way,
  What am I meant to do?
  Me and him,
  We used to be so close,
  Now I can't even look at him,
  He's tied up in the cellar,
  Daddy says we're safe,
  Has he not noticed how frail those ropes are?
  How close they are to snapping?
  Because I've noticed and it scares me,
  But still I'm forced to go down there,
  To feed him everyday,
  I smell the stench,
  I see the blood,
  And I feel like screaming,
  What am I meant to do?

Jump

  I can't,
  I know I can't,
  But if I don't what will happen,
  Bool,
  The end,
  So I must,
  Because I don't want that,
  So I'll jump,
  And pray to god that I can fly,
  I'm so afraid,
  Why did this have to happen today?
  Ryan's so weak today,
  He didn't have a chance,
  Now I must jump,
  Or watch him die,
  Daddy's gone mean again,
  The bad stuff is under his skin again,
  And his eyes look red,
  It's definitely not all in his head,
  Jump,
  Or it's Bool,
  The end,
  Jump and pray to god I can fly.

Memories

  My memories,
  Are starting to come back to me,
  I've tried to keep them away,
  Tried to keep them hidden,
  But now they're coming back,
  My memories of him,
  Memories of my dad,
  I can remember him,
  And I can remember my brother,
  And I can remember,
  The fucked up way we used to live,
  And how it all ended,
  No one else must know though,
  Because it's all meant to be a secret,
  Shh Don't Tell,
  Don't tell no one,
  Don't tell them about daddy and his bools,
  Don't tell them about Ryan and the bad thing,
  Don't tell them about the only safe place,
  Shh Don't Tell,
  Don't say anything,
  They'll lock you away,
  They'll take away the safe place,
  Then where will you go?
  I don't want these memories,
  But they are coming back,
  And there's no one here to hold me,
  And make it all go away,
  So they'll keep coming back,
  Until all I can see is blood.

Bool

  It's all in his head,
  Or maybe it's in his blood,
  When it won't come out,
  He'll take it out on me,
  He fetches a knife from the kitchen,
  Or maybe the axe from the shed,
  Then he'll come into my room,
  Where I'm sleeping in my bed,
  He'll stand over me,
  Breathing heavily,
  If it's the knife he's holding,
  I'll get a few small cuts on my arms,
  But if it's the axe,
  Who knows what he might do,
  This is why sometimes,
  I must hide away,
  Sometimes I must hide,
  So I don't die,
  He's not like this often,
  But when he is it's always bad,
  One of these days it'll all end,
  Bool,
  The End!

I hate

 I hate that I didn't cry,
 I hate that I had to say goodbye,
 I hate your mum for not being there,
 I hate the fact that you're gone,
 I hate that you were so young,
 I hate the fact that I couldn't kiss you goodbye,
 Because that's what I wanted to do.

 I hate the memory of the coldness in your eyes,
 I hate those doctors and their lies,
 I hate those people and their sighs,
 As I say to them that I loved you,
 They think I'm cute,
 That it will pass,
 They think we weren't really IN love.

 I hate that I can't remember your laugh,
 I hate that I can remember your screams of pain instead,
 I hate that I can remember your tears,
 Better than I can remember your smile,
 I hate that your mum still needs someone to rely on,
 And now that someone has to be me,
 Because you're gone.

 I hate that I'm on my own now,
 I hate that I can't handle it,
 I hate the fact that because of you the darkness is back,
 I hate that because of you I feel like I'm falling, 
 But I don't hate you,
 I could never hate you,
 I love you!

The bad thing

  Sad distant eyes,
  Look straight through things,
  Not at them,
  Life seems so empty,
  The world seems so dead,
  Now that you're not here beside me,
  Without you here,
  The darkness is coming back in,
  It's all around,
  It's inside my head,
  And my heart has frozen forever,
  I'm falling again,
  Falling further and further down,
  And you're not here to stop me,
  You're not here to save me,
  You're not here to tell me every thing's going to be fine,
  I'm walking through a forest,
  Every thing is dark,
  There are things laughing in here somewhere,
  They laugh at me,
  Because I'm all alone,
  They sound like hyenas,
  But they stand on two legs,
  I'm coming up to a river,
  I can't see it but I can hear it,
  The sound of running water,
  But theres another noise now and it's getting closer,
  It stops me in my tracks,
  It's the bad thing,
  It's trying to keep quiet,
  But I can here the sound of twigs snapping under its paws,
  And I'm scared,
  So scared,
  But you're still not here,
  Still not taking my hand,
  Why?
  Why aren't you here?
  Where are you in stead?
  That's when I remember,
  You're dead,
  It hurts more than the bad thing could ever hurt me,
  And so I give up,
  I turn my back on the river,
  I turn my back on the only means of escape,
  And I face it,
  The thing that has haunted me for so many years,
  But the thought of you has made me strong,
  And I will face it,
  I won't be scared anymore,
  And I won't run anymore,
  I loved you and now you're gone,
  And I wish I was gone too,
  So I'll let the bad thing take me,
  And I'll join you where you are,
  Then I'll be able to take you're hand,
  And I'll know nothing's ever OK.

I hate you

  Sitting in a field full of flowers,
  That I can not see,
  But can only smell
  Still so full of darkness,
  That is what I see,
  No colors just darkness,
  Even with my eyes wide open,
  There is still only darkness,
  I wish I could see it but I can't,
  Then out of the darkness,
  Comes a small ray of light,
  A small ray of hope,
  A chance to escape from the darkness,
  A chance to escape from the bad thing,
  I run towards it but it's not as I thought,
  There you are,
  Blocking my way,
  With malice in your eyes,
  And in that moment I hate you more than ever before,
  You step aside,
  Offering me the only possible way out of this darkness,
  But you've got that smirk on you're face,
  And I know that if I take your offer,
  I'll owe you later,
  So I turn my back,
  Walk away,
  Walk deeper into the darkness,
  Deeper than I've ever gone before,
  Knowing that you were my only escape,
  But I don't care,
  I'd rather stay here,
  Than except help from you,
  After all the things you did.

Do I love you?

  Lying next to you,
  My head on your chest,
  Breathing in and out,
  Not quite believing I can,
  You kiss my forehead,
  And hold me tighter,
  Then you sigh,
  Straight away,
  I know what you're going to ask,
  We both saw this coming,
  But we've been putting it off,
  Now we can't anymore,
  You say it quietly,
  Hoping I won't hear,
  But of course I do,
  I know what you asked,
  You asked if I loved you,
  And now it's my turn to sigh,
  I've been asking myself that same question,
  For days,
  Do I love you?
  At first I was sure I didn't,
  I was sure I hated you,
  I was sure I wanted you to drop dead,
  But then we kissed,
  That kiss made me excited and warm,
  A little tingle went all up my spine,
  I never thought I'd feel that way again,
  And I definitely never thought I'd feel it for you,
  That kiss made me feel so confused,
  It made me feel scared and unsure,
  If only you had stayed away,
  But you didn't,
  You had to kiss me again,
  Confused feelings,
  Confused heart,
  And now here I am with you once more,
  And I feel like I do love you,
  But how can I be sure?
  Maybe just one more kiss,
  And all the confusion will disappear,
  I whisper in your ear,
  And you get that little bemused look on your face,
  The one I know I could indeed love,
  You kiss me softly,
  Slowly,
  Perfectly,
  This could be love.

Faking it

  Behind all the smiles,
  Hidden by the laughter,
  There are secrets so dark,
  Demons that no one sees,
  Things that have to stay buried,
  They have to stay in the past,
  Keep them secret,
  Keep them silent,
  Keep everything hidden,
  They don't need to know the past,
  So keep it secret,
  Keep it buried,
  Keep it in the past,
  Don't let anyone see,
  Pretend none of it happened,
  Act as if every thing's fine,
  Fake a smile,
  A laugh,
  Make out as if life is fine,
  Just one huge pretense,
  One big fake,
  Pretend to be happy,
  Keep faking it,
  Keep going,
  Keep acting fine.

if the world

  If the world is real,
  Why does time seem to stop sometimes?
  If the world really does spin,
  Why can't you feel it?
  If the world is such a brilliant place,
  Why is it full of so much sadness?
  If the world is the place I'm meant to be,
  Then why do I want to leave?
  I want to get out of this place,
  I want to die,
  I want to bleed,
  And feel the pain,
  I want so many things,
  But they're always a little too far away,
  For me to reach them,
  I want someone to really love me,
  For who I am,
  But I'll never get that.
  If the world is so great,
  Why do I feel so bad?

voices

  Little voices,
  Inside my head,
  Telling me things,
  I don't want to hear,
  They tell me I'm fat,
  They tell me I'm worthless,
  They say I'll never have the strengh to change,
  They say that the world,
  Would be a better place,
  Without me in it,
  And I can't block them out,
  Because they're already inside,
  They're already inside my head,
  I can't run from them,
  I can't hide from them,
  It's impossible,
  So I starve myself to get thinner,
  I cut myself to let it all out,
  I try to dye so that I can get out of this world,
  That has no place for me,
  The voices are never silent.

Scream

  Running in the rain,
  Fighting back tears,
  As I call your name.
  You turn around,
  With that smirk on your face,
  The one that,
  Has haunted my nightmares,
  Ever since the last time I saw you.
  I scream out load,
  But you're already there,
  With your hand over my mouth,
  Keeping me quiet.
  There's a knife in your hand,
  It's blade gleams in the light of the lamp,
  It slips in so easily,
  You stab me through the heart,
  I try to scream,
  But I can't,
  I slide down to the ground,
  And you just walk away,
  That smirk still on your face.
  Then I wake up,
  Hot and sweating,
  And screaming,
  But at least i still can,
  I live to fight another day.

the dark figure

  Looking through the window,
  Looking through the rain,
  Looking at the garden gate,
  Where the figure stands,
  A dark figure,
  I can't quite make out the features,
  But I don't need to,
  I know it's you,
  I blink three times,
  But you're still there,
  This time it's not a dream,
  And as you have time and time before,
  In my nightmares,
  You begin to walk away,
  I shouldn't follow you,
  I really shouldn't,
  I should stay where I am,
  Safe and sound in my room,
  But I don't,
  I get dressed and follow you,
  I walk right behind you,
  Breathing softly,
  Stepping softly,
  Even though I know you know I'm here,
  Then you stop and turn,
  Just like you always do in my nightmares,
  But you're not smirking,
  Not this time,
  In fact there are tears in your eyes,
  And that's how I know,
  I look down,
  Take your hands in mine,
  They're all bloody,
  Oh my god,
  What have you done this time,
  I lead you inside,
  Wipe the blood away,
  Then I can see them,
  Two big gashes in your palms,
  This isn't my job,
  This isn't my responsibility,
  But because I still love you,
  I'm still here,
  You can still lean on me.

hold

  You look at me,
  With tears in your eyes,
  That's how I know,
  That's how I always know,
  That you've done something stupid,
  I look down,
  And I can see the drops of blood,
  Falling to the ground,
  I take your hands in mine,
  Slowly ease them open,
  Then I can see the cuts,
  All the way across your palms,
  They're so deep,
  But they've already started clotting,
  They're going to heal,
  But you'll be scarred forever,
  You look so sad,
  You look so small,
  I just wanna reach out, 
  And hold you,
  But you're dangerous,
  I know it,
  I can still see it in your face,
  I can still remember my screams,
  But I hold you anyway,
  You need me to hold you,
  So I do,
  I hold you,
  I hold you tight and close,
  I hold you because part of me still loves you.

Tony

  In a crowded room,
  Bright lights shining down on me,
  I look across a sea of faces,
  Then my eyes stop traveling,
  You've just come in through the door,
  Now you're stood there unsure,
  You can't come forward,
  Because everyone in the room hates you,
  Except one person,
  Me,
  I know I should hate you,
  But I can't,
  Because looking at you now,
  I can only see the person I fell for,
  Not the person I thought I'd see,
  There's no trace of a murderer or liar,
  You're just Tony,
  My Tony,
  The one that protected me,
  Held me,
  Kissed me,
  Loved me,
  That's all I see,
  But then you turn away,
  Go back through the door,
  Out into the cold night wind,
  And I know I shouldn't,
  But I do,
  I follow you,
  I have to,
  I need to talk to you,
  I step softly,
  I breath softly,
  But still you know I'm there,
  You stop,
  But you don't look at me,
  You tell me to go,
  I say I won't,
  You tense,
  I can't tell what's going on in your mind,
  I wish I could,
  I also wish I could hold you,
  But I can't,
  You start walking away again,
  But I can't let you do that,
  I reach out,
  Grabbing your arm,
  Stopping you from leaving me,
  You turn so you're looking right at me,
  Right into me it feels,
  And there are tears in your eyes,
  You say it so carefully,
  So slowly,
  So quietly,
  As if you don't want me to hear,
  But I do,
  I do hear,
  You say:
  "Do you know how much this hurts?
   I can't be this near you.
   It hurts.
   I still love you but I can never have you."
  Then you walk away,
  Didn't even give me a chance,
  To say I still love you too.

  Why can't I die?
  Why won't he just let me die?
  I want to die,
  But he just won't allow it,
  I try to cut,
  He takes the knife,
  I try to starve,
  He makes food,
  I try to purge,
  He takes me away,
  I try and I try to die,
  But I never even get close,
  Because of him,
  I'm suicidal,
  I just want to get out,
  I just want to leave this crappy life behind,
  But he just won't let me,
  He simply won't allow it,
  Why won't he just let me die?

death

  Silence,
  Darkness,
  I'm falling,
  Falling,
  Further and further,
  Into the moving darkness,
  It's all completely dark,
  Except for those big red eyes,
  Staring right at me,
  Getting closer and closer,
  The smell of rotting corpses,
  Filling my heart with dread,
  It's the smell of death,
  I'm all alone,
  No one here to protect me,
  My only company is that thng over there,
  The thing with big red eyes,
  That smells like death,
  The thing that reminds me, 
  Of a halloween night years ago.

break

  You lied to me,
  I hit you,
  You cheated on me,
  I broke your nose,
  You broke my heart,
  So I broke your leg,
  Now you stay the hell away,
  Cuz you know not to mess with me

different

  I feel like,
  I'm in a room full of people,
  I keep talking,
  But no one hears,
  I talk louder,
  Trying to get people to listen,
  But still no one notices I'm there,
  So I keep getting louder and louder,
  Until I'm screaming at the top of my voice,
  And still no one is listening,
  Then all the people just fade away,
  And I'm on my own
  Surrounded by darkness,
  Still hearing their voices,
  Talking,
  Laughing,
  Ignoring me,
  Pretending I'm not there,
  Because they don't want me there,
  Because I don't belong,
  Just because I'm different.

IF

  If you really want me,
  You will show me some respect,
  If you really care,
  You wouldn't be all the way over there,
  If you really cared,
  You would be here with me,
  If you really loved me,
  You wouldn't be chatting up other girls,
  You wouldn't ignore my presence,
  If you really loved me,
  I'd be the only one you wanted,
  If you really want this to work,
  You would trust me,
  If you really cared,
  I wouldn't be saying if,
  If you really cared,
  I wouldn't be doubting it.

fake

 Why is no one real with me anymore?
 They're always pretending,
 Being fake,
 They pretend to care,
 But they don't,
 I have no one now,
 I'm on my own in the darkness,
 All alone,
 No one to hold my hand,
 Say it's OK,
 Because they're all so fake,
 So unreal,
 Not really quite there,
 I'm giving up,
 Falling further into the dark abyss,
 Being swallowed up by it,
 Falling further and further away from reality,
 If only you were there to hold me to the real world,
 But you've disappeared,
 And nobody can fill the gap you left,
 Guy after guy tries,
 But no one can fill the space you left in my life,
 The space you left in my heart,
 There's just an empty space where you should be,
 Thinking of you makes me cry,
 Talking about you makes the pain more real,
 I used to be so strong,
 Now because of you I'm weak
 I never thought someone could do this to me,
 But you managed it,
 I just don't know why.
 Why did you leave?
 Where did you go?

choices

 It's a dark night,
 I'm all alone,
 Sat by the sea,
 Staring at nothing,
 Thinking about nothing,
 Then through the darkness you come to me,
 It really is you,
 You're eyes look golden in the lamplight,
 The fine hairs on your muscular arms are golden too in the lamplight,
 And all I can think about,
 Is how great those arms would feel around me,
 I can't help but stare at you're lips,
 And wonder how it would feel if you kissed me,
 But you're not going to,
 You're only here to ruin my life,
 Just like I  ruined your life four years ago.
 But how can you know about that?
 Nobody knows,
 Nobody ever knew,
 It's like my body goes onto autopilot,
 And within seconds I'm stood right in front of you,
 My head tilted back so I can look at your face,
 Look into your eyes,
 They really do look golden.
 Is that even possible?
 I'm not sure,
 I don't care,
 Because you're smiling,
 Smiling down at me,
 That smile that makes my knees go weak,
 And I'm falling,
 But you save me,
 Wrapping your arms around me,
 Pulling my back to my feet,
 But not letting go of me,
 Then you're kissing me,
 The most perfect kiss I've ever had,
 A kiss I never want to end,
 I want it to go on forever,
 But after a while you pull away,
 And you ask me to choose,
 It's you or them.
 Haven't I been here before?
 Haven't I made this choice before?
 Because I'm getting that feeling of deja vu,
 Last time I chose them.
 But did I make the best choice,
 Or just the easiest?
 This time would I make the same choice?
 I don't think I could,
 I don't want to walk away from you,
 I guess that's my decision made,
 I choose you,
 It will always be you.

days

Day becomes night,
Everything I thought I felt,
Turns out to be a lie,
I thought I loved it here,
I thought I loved him,
But now I miss you,
Walking down the dark street,
Just thinking of you,
Wishing you were here with me,
In stead of there with her,
It breaks my heart thinking of you two together,
Knowing you're not thinking of me,
I don't know why I ever thought it was a good idea to leave,
Because now I miss you,
I miss my home,
Night becomes day,
I fake a smile,
Pretend I'm okay,
And nobody sees through it,
You would have,
If I was there with you,
You would know if there was something wrong,
The day drags on,
Same old shit,
Same faces,
Same hurt deep down in my chest,
Fake smile plastered on my face,
I'm wishing with all my heart that I was there with you,
I'm missing you more than I ever thought I would,
I'm hurting because of you,
I'm feeling weak,
But I can't come back,
I can't show you my weakness,
I'll just keep on pretending every thing's okay,
And as day after day passes,
Maybe I'll start believing my own lies,
Maybe I'll start believing that I'm okay.

You make me want to die.
It's because of you I cut.
I cut to let the pain you caused out.
The blood trickles down my arm and over my hand.
I hate you.

You annoy me so much! You don't see the real world at all, you live in a perfect world where you fall in love with someone and live happily ever after while I see that all you can do is hope to find some one you like who likes you and the things you go through together will make your relationship stronger. I see the reality while you live in your own little dream world. Yet you still try to tell me how to live my life! Atleast I live my life in the real world rather than living in a world of my own.

Just me

Reality isn't real,
Life isn't worth living,
None of it makes sense,
I just don't want to be here,
All of it's wrong,
So wrong,
I laugh,
I cry,
I smile,
I rant,
But none of it's ever real,
I don't really feel,
I just fake it,
Live life as if I'm happy,
But I'm not,
I'm not happy at all,
It's just a pretense,
This is who I am,
I'm heartless,
You're worst nightmare,
Just a nobody,
You look straight through me,
Death and destruction are my middle names,
But I'm only destroying myself,
Trying to kill myself slowly,
I just need it to end,
Causing myself pain,
Making myself regret ever being born,
This is who I am,
I'm insane,
Causing myself pain,
Because I don't want to be here,
I don't want to be me,
Stuck in this place,
Stuck in this world,
Where they worship girls who look like Jordan,
Or just a bigger version of a barbie doll,
Can't you see they're just plastic,
Pathetic copy cats,
At least I'm real,
I don't give a shit what you think,
I'm just me.

Alone and isolated

 People talking around me,
 But no one is talking to me,
 It's as if I'm invisable,
 It's as if I'm not here,
 Maybe in their worlds I don't exist,
 None of my friends are here with me,
 They're all somewhere else,
 Looking around,
 None of them know me,
 It makes me feel smaller,
 Weaker,
 Alone,
 With nobody to talk to,
 Unsure where to go,
 I just feel so isolated,
 Why do I have to be here?
 Scan the crowd,
 Try to find a friendly face,
 Don't give up hope,
 I can't be all alone,
 There must be someone out there,
 Who can understand,
 What I'm going through,
 But I can't find anyone,
 Maybe there really is no one for me.

The dark

The sun goes down,

I sit out in the dark,

The clouds split open,

Rain pours down,

I still sit out in the dark,

Can't bring myself to leave here,

Just need to sit here,

In the silence of the night,

And remember you,

Can't let go of my memories,

They're all I've got left of you,

And right now I'm missing you more than ever,

I just can't believe you're gone, 

I need you here with me,

You promised you'd always be here,

But where are you now,

Where are you when I need you,

Where are you when my world is crashing to the ground,

I'll tell you where you are,

You're nowhere to be found.

Always

Silence,
Absolute silence,
I'm alone,
Alone with my thoughts,
Still missing you,
I'll never stop missing you,
Even though you're gone,
You'll always be here with me,
You'll always be in my heart,
 As well as on my mind.

Alone with my thoughts,
I end up thinking of you,
Not that it surprises me anymore,
Seeing as I'm always thinking of you,
Always missing you,
Always loving you,
Always hating the fact that you're gone,

Everyone is silent,
Heads bowed,
Saying goodbye,
Letting you go,
Leaving you behind,
Everyone but me,
I'm still holding on,
Holding on to my memories of you,
Because I still love you,
And I just can't let go of you,
You're always on my mind,
You're always in my heart,
I'll never forget about you,
I'll never leave you behind,
I'll never say goodbye.

A miracle

Sitting,
Waiting,
Hoping for a miracle,
Knowing,
Deep down,
That miracles don't really exist,
But hoping for one anyway,
Wishing that you were here beside me,
Hating that you're not,
Loving you more than ever before,
Missing you,
Missing having you by my side.

I'm sitting,
And waiting for you,
Hoping for a miracle,
But knowing,
Deep down,
That miracles don't exist,
But I'm hoping for one anyway,
Because I'm missing you so so much,
And I'm wishing you were here beside me,
I'm hating that you're not,
I'm loving you more than ever before,
And it's killing me,
That we're apart,
When I just want to be held by you,

So I'm sitting,
And hoping for a miracle,
Just wishing you were here with me.

The enigma

You stand alone
No one knows you're there
You hide your face
Pretend to not exist
To everyone else you're invisible
But I see you
You're wonderful in my eyes
Because you're different
You stay silent
Watch the crowds
Ignore the voices
Pretend you're all alone in the world
I guess that's how you feel
I try to get your attention
Try to talk to you
But you ignore my words
Pretend I am not there
The less you say
The more I want you
You are amazing
Still
Quiet
But sill amazing
A puzzle
Silent
So different from everyone else
You're the enigma
You'll haunt my thoughts.

Two different sides

Nobody sees The side of me you see
They just see the quiet side
They just see what they want to see
They see normality
They don't want to accept that that isn't me
They refuse to see the me you see
You see the real me
You see the wild side
You see exactly who I really am
You see the depression
You see the happiness
You see the change
You see right into my soul
Why can't they see me like you do?
Why don't they want to see that me?

I still love you

I can't believe

That I still love you

Even after all you did to me

Even though you treated me like crap

I still love you

How can I be stupid enough to still love you? 

Why do I still love you?

Why can't I let you go?

You hurt me so badly

But I still care

I still want to be there for you

I still want to hold you

And love you

I still want to be with you

No matter what you did

And no matter what you do

I still want to be with you

Thinking of you with anyone else

Makes my heart ache

Makes me yearn for you

I can't believe I still feel like this

I hate that I can't let you go

I can't believe that I still love you

Even after all the pain you caused.

Miss you

Sit down
Try to concentrate
Try to get some work done
But all I can think about is you
My minds so full of memories of us
I can't think of anything else
I can only think of you
I guess I'm missing you
I'm wishing you were here with me
I'm wanting you back by my side
Or maybe I'm just wanting you
This can't be normal
It can't be normal to keep loving someone
Who has broken your heart time and time again
But I can't let go
I can't move on
I can't bring myself to hate you
I can't not want you
I try to concentrate on something else
Anything else
But my thoughts always return to you
The memories I have of us
Some are good
Most are bad
But they still make me miss you.

You pretend

 You say you care,
  But you weren't there,
  When the blade dug in,
  Or when all I wanted was to be thin,
  You say you love me,
  But you'll never be,
  Able to delete the past,
  No matter how much you want us to last,
  Your kisses,
  Might feel like bliss,
  But you missed it all,
  Now no matter what you do,
  I'll never be able to belong to you,
  It doesn't matter how much you care,
  I'll always remember that you weren't there,
  You saw the scars,
  I knew you knew,
  But you hid from the truth,
  Now you announce your love,
  As if I'm suposed to giv a fuck,
  I don't care,
  If you care,
  Because you were never there.

Stop

There's nothing you could say
To make me forgive you
So stop trying to apologize
Stop saying you love me
As if that will make everything better
Stop lying
And trying to come up with an excuse
I'll never forgive you
You broke my heart
Pretending you didn't see
Not helping me when I needed you to
Not really caring at all
Yet here you are
Turning up on my doorstep
Saying you love me
Saying you didn't realize
I don't get why you feel the need to lie
I don't understand why you have to cause me even more pain that you already have
Wherever I go you're there
Even though I hate being around you
And just seeing your face makes me feel sick
You seem to want to force your presence upon me
As if that will make me forgive you
It just makes me hate you more
It makes me wish you were dead
Stop lying
Saying you didn't realize
It's not helping
I know you knew
I can tell you saw
You just didn't care enough to help me
You didn't care enough to make it stop
Yet you say you love me
As if I would believe that.

My most trusted friend

You're always there for me
You always end my pain
You are my friend
You'll stand by me always
Even in the pouring rain
If I say I want to die
You will not argue
Or try to talk me out of it
You'll just be there
Helping me no matter what
You have always been there
You were there when my mum died
You were there when daddy died too
You were there when uncle John died
And made everything OK
You took the pain away
You are my only friend
My most trusted friend
You'll never not be there when I need you
You'll be with me right up until the end
You'll help me end my life
You know me better than anyone else
As you've opened my flesh over and over again
You are my blade
You slip into my skin so easily
You are my friend
You ease my pain
You'll always stay with me.

If only

Sometimes I find myself wishing I was someone else
I find myself wishing I didn't remember all the things I've been through in my life
If only I could be more normal
If only I could get rid of all my memories
If only I wasn't me
If only I was dead
It could be so simple
It could all be over
Would you miss me if I was gone?
Would you mourn?
Would you cry?
If I did not remember any of the things that have happened to me
Would we be together now?
If I was someone else
Would you even look my way?
If only I were normal
If only you cared
If only I didn't remember
If only you stopped reminding me
If only I was someone else
If only you were there
If only I was dead
It would all stop then
The memories
The game we play
The pain we cause each other
By pretending we don't care.
Would you cry?
Would you mourn?
Would you realize you can't be without me?
I guess not
Most probably you would move straight on
To another girl who will play you game
If you come to the funeral
She'll be by your side
You'll refuse to cry
You'll keep playing the game even then and there
You'll prove to everyone that you definitely cared less.

Right so that guy I used to want to ask me out isn't going to and I've given up.

Ignored

I come here
Time after time
Not sure what to expect.

I hope for a message frome her
Telling me she's still there for me
Telling me we're still friends
But there's nothing
She's ignoring me

I hope for a message from him
Telling me he's back
Telling me he still loves me
But there's nothing
He's ignoring me.

I don't understand
Where are they?
Have I done something wrong?
Or are we just drifting apart without me knowing so?

How I wish to hear from them again
To know that they're alright
But instead I am left alone
Bored and ignored
Rejected
Is this they way it's meant to be?
Is this how I am meant to live?

Right so that guy i wanted to ask me out and i was totally convinced was gonna because he said he would on Friday. Well, he's definitely not going to because he has a new girlfriend who he just happened to forget to mention when he was flirting with me on Friday. I am so pissed off at him right now! I could actually kill him if I saw him! But you know it's fine, I'm gonna be mature about this and try very hard not to stab him the next time I see him

Digging

Locked up inside
Trying to keep my past secret
Trying to keep the true me hidden away from prying eyes
But you just won't let me hide away
You keep digging and digging
Trying to uncover every little secret
Trying to unlock my heart with your swagger and charm
But I'm not sure i can let you in for real
I'm too afraid of rejection
I'm too afraid you'll reject me the moment you know everything
I'm too afraid that once you see the real me you'll walk away
So I try to keep all my secrets hidden away
I'll keep my past to myself
Keep the true me silent
Even though you keep trying to bring it out
I'll try to pretend I don't care
I'll try to act as if I don't hear their words
I'll try to hide the pain
But you won't let me live like that
You just keep digging
Trying to find out everything
Trying to uncover my past that I've managed to keep secret from everyone else
I don't see why you want to know
I don't see what you think you would gain
If you knew it all
If you could see the real me
I guess you think it would bring us closer
But all your questions are just driving me away
Can't you just be happy that I care about you?
Can't you just love the me you see?
If you really loved me you'd just let it go
You would be content with the me I let you see
You wouldn't mind not knowing everything
If you really love me
You wouldn't keep asking me awkward questions
Questions that I really don't want to answer
Questions about things you really don't need to know
If you really loved me you'd stop digging
You'd leave it alone

Seeing another side

Seeing you like that
So vulnerable
So weak
So small
So in need of help
So in need of a friend
It made me feel things
I never believed I could feel for you
It made me almost love you
It made me want to hold you
It made me need to protect you
I won't pretend to understand why
But it made me see you differently
Even now that you're strong again
I still see that side of you sometimes
And I wish I knew how to bring it out of you again
Because you're working so hard to hide it from everyone
I don't understand why
You put up such a macho shield
Trying to pretend you care for nothing and no one
When I've seen that under all that
You can be sweet, kind and caring
Why do you put on a show when ever anyone gets near?
Why do you act like you don't care?

He hasn't asked yet, in fact he ignored me all day today even though i went completely out of my way to be around him. I dunno whether he was just joking about it all along or whether it's just because he's trying to get up the courage but it's really annoying me. I just wanna know what's going on!

Guy trouble

So I'm into this guy; he goes to my school. He's strange, really strange. One day he seems to be into me but then the next it's like it's all just a joke to him. He pisses me off so much but i still like him. I dunno what to do tho because I dunno if it's serious or if he is just joking about it all.

Pretense

You pretend to be indestructible
You pretend to be invincible
But really you're just like the rest of us
Standing at the edge
So fragile and weak
That it could just take a gust of wind to force us over
Into oblivion
Into the darkness
Yet you live your life pretending you're not vulnerable at all
You pretend you'll live forever
But really, deep down you know it's not true
Deep down you're lost and afraid
Needing to be loved but afraid to ask
Needing help but afraid to look weak
Needing to be held but afraid of rejection
So you pretend every thing's ok
Act as if you're fine
But I can see
You need me
You need to be held
So I hold you
You need help
So I give you my hand
You need to be loved
So I give you a place in my heart
And around me you drop the pretense
You show your weaknesses
You show that your vulnerable
And it makes your place in my heart bigger
I just hate the way the walls come back up
Whenever someone else is around
I hate the way you keep up the pretense to everyone else

Afraid to die

You live your life as if it'll never end
You walk around as if you own the world and everything in it
People look up to you for that
They treat you as if you're the greatest thing they've ever seen
And you act like you already know that's true
But behind the scenes
Under that pretense
Is someone who's scared
Someone who knows exactly how vulnerable humanity really is
Someone who sees that the end is near
Someone who knows they're gonna die soon
But you're not ready for that
You're not ready to die yet
When you're gone you want to be remembered
You want people to be proud to be able to say that they knew you
You want the fame and the fortune
You want to be able to leave something behind
You want to be missed when you're gone
You want there to be someone to mourn you
Yet whenever anyone gets close you push them away
Whenever anyone reaches out to you
You retreat into yourself
Whenever someone glances the real you
You put your walls back up as quickly as possible
You hide behind your pretense
Act as if you're fine
Pretend you're not afraid to die

rebuilding your walls

We were becoming close
I thought we were making progress
I was seeing you for who you really are
We were good together
But now that space between us is returning again
You're pushing me away
Rebuilding your walls
Acting as if you need no one
Pretending you're so tough
Pretending you're invincible
But I've seen you
I've seen the other side of you
I've seen the real you
So insecure
So vulnerable
Almost sweet really
So if I have to wait around
Even if it takes years
Just to see that side of you again
Just to be near to you again
That's what I'll do
My heart is forever yours
You'll abuse it
Damage it
Break it
But it'll take only three words to repair it again
Three words to make everything alright again
If you would just hold me again
Look in my eyes again
Everything could be fine
But you're rebuilding your walls
Cutting yourself off from the world
Leaving me behind

Do you...?

Do you still remember me?
Do you ever think fo me?
Do you still scream for me late at night after a bad dream?
Do you ever long for me?
Do you ever miss me?
Do you want to see me again?
Do you still love me?

Acting, pretending, faking

Behind all the smiles
Hidden by the laughter
There are secrets so dark
Demons that nobody sees
Things that have to stay buried
Things that have to stay in the past
Keep them secret
Keep them silent
Keep everything hidden
They don't need to know the past
So keep it secret
Keep it buried
Keep it in the past
Don't let anyone see
Pretend none of it happened
Act as if every thing's just fine
Fake a smile
Fake a laugh
Make out as if life's fine
Just one huge pretense
One big fake
Pretend to be happy
Keep faking it
Keep going
Keep acting fine

A joyless life

Living a joyless life
Pretending every thing's fine
Never shedding a tear
I'm not allowed anymore
The time to mourn has passed
Trying to be perfect but failing
Watching as life passes by
Hating life because it's empty
Wanting something else
Wanting to be someone else
Never getting that wish
Trapped in the same life
Same routine
Without a heart
Without joy
Completely empty
Day after day
Week after week
A never ending nightmare
But this is real
This is my life
There is no waking up
It's not a dream
The boredom and emptiness is real
Tomorrow will be just like today
Today is just like yesterday
It'll go on that way forever
Untill the day everything ends
The last day of this nightmare existance

Suffering

Trying to act normal
Trying to forget
Always pretending to be fine
Even if it's a lie
Even when the world is crashing down
Heart's breaking
Suffering in silence
Without any support
Without anyone to hold
No one there to stop the tears
No one to help carry the pain
No one to give a shit
Suffering in silence
Suffering alone
Nowhere to go
Nowhere to turn
No one to talk to
No one to ask for help
This is life
This is reality
It's painful
It's lonely
With no one to care
No one to wipe away the tears
No one to help carry the pain
Keep living a life full of tears
Pretend every thing's alright
Act like every thing's just fine
Try to forget the past
Pretend to be normal
When really you're dying inside

Forced

Forced to eat when there is no need
Forced to stop
Forced to think
When there is no want
Don't want to eat
Don't want to be well
This isn't an illness
It's a way of life
Why won't anyone just let me be
Leave me alone
Stop telling me what to do
Stop forcing me to do something I don't want to
Stop forcing me to be something I'm not
All you make me do is want to die more
I guess that's just life
It's there then it's over
It's bad then it's worse
You're forced to eat
When you don't want to
When you don't need to
You're forced to stop cutting
Think about what you're doing
When you don't want to
You're forced to live
When all you want is to die
Don't want to eat
Don't want to stop cutting
Don't want to be well
Don't want to be normal
This isn't an illness it's a way of life
I sit here and cut
Deep
Blood runs down my hand and drips onto the ground
Making a puddle of crimson
Do you see it now?

Do you see my pain?

slipping, slitting

I feel like I'm forever slipping
Slipping further away from reality
When I feel I'm slipping
The easiest thing is to start slitting.

A cool smooth blade over my skin
Let the blood run
Even though suicide is a sin
It feels so good to let the pain out.

As the blood runs
I feel so much better
I feel free
But ultimately I feel like me.

When my blood's running over my skin
I feel this great release
I feel a change in me
It's the only time I'm anywhere close to happy.

You always try to change me, try  to make me something I'm not, your version of perfection. But that's not who I am, I'm just me, that's all I will ever be. I don't want to change, I just want to be real.

Anger management

I've always had issues with my anger. I lose my temper so easily, over the smallest of things. Nowadays tho I've been hanging out with a guy who used to have the same problems as me. He goes to these group therapy meetings and he learns all these techniques and now he's teaching them to me. He's trying to convince me to go along to the sessions too. He's helping me so much and I think I might go along to the next meeting. Anyway I really like this guy and I mean I REALLY like him! I spend most of my time with him and I really wish he would kiss me. But he won't because we're "just mates" and he wants to "help me with my problems". It's kind of annoying.